I have to face it, everything about 2017 was more than a challenge. I don’t want to say that it was the worst year yet – because it wasn’t, but it was probably a close second, possibly third. Usually, I am able to figure out what lessons I have to learn in any misfortune that comes to me. But, to be honest, 2017 was very unsettling and upsetting for me, emotionally and physically. As I took a look back these last few days trying to figure out everything, I questioned myself – How have I changed?? I already know that everything in my life will never be perfect, and that there will be struggles in every season, but what did I do to bring about such negativity and selfish people into my life?? Also, why was I unable to let that emotional baggage all go? Why can’t certain soul drainers not let me go? I always thought that I was a strong person inside, and perhaps that’s how it may seem to the outside world looking in – but in my heart I’ve just been fragile as an old egg shell, waiting on a person to step on me hard enough that I would actually break for good.
I finally realize that what I have been lacking in my life is faith. Not just any kind of faith, but that unwavering faith that had carried me through the murder trial of an ex-boyfriend, subliminal threats from another for sex, the death of an infant son, the loss of much of my property and thousands of dollars, various serious health issues and constant piling bills racing for the battle of taking my sanity as well as my credit. I have allowed doubt and fear to take over me when I have lost control of handling my issues by myself. I have become stubborn in my spirituality and vainly thought I could protect myself and my family without any of God’s help at all. Well guess what, I have been wrong! Taking a step back to reflect on my life, it’s now crystal clear where I had lost my way and began doing more harm to myself than good. All I can do is smile because although I know that by now I should have been dead and gone, for some reason – some crazy, insane reason, I’m still here.
So, starting January 1st, 2018, I will spend my my time not dwelling on all those debilitating things that had me dragging myself on the ground for the last 365 days. I will try not to allow people or situations to hurt me anymore, to manipulate me into doing things I don’t want to do, and to mess up my emotions. I will not be afraid and I will not live in fear. Like I said, 2017 was not the worst year for me but goodness gracious it was close, and I am so glad to see you go. I am ready to start 2018, refreshed, renewed, and recommitted to myself, and to my God. I am still covered, and if you are reading this, then so are you.
Happy New Year y’all, however important this new beginning is to you.